Changing Your Kid is BAD!

changing kids

We have all heard the reference to someone who is “like a fish out of water.” A fish out of water is in a bad place—a place where they are miserable, uncomfortable, scared. The bottom line is that they are just not made to be there. Like a fish, every child is MADE or designed in a unique, specific way for a certain kind of environment.

As a parent, one of my primary jobs is to figure out HOW my kid is wired. What is his or her natural bent? Proverbs teaches to “Raise up a child in the way he should go…”  That’s right; we all have a way we ought to be going. Some need more structure, some need ownership, some need exact instructions, some need a kick in the pants, some need more one-on-one time, some need more chores, some need to be challenged. My assignment is to observe where my kids flourish, where they struggle, where they are comfortable, where are they uncomfortable, etc., and THEN:

  • Facilitate the conditions where they can flourish being who they were designed to be!

Obviously we all have principles that are not negotiable in terms of how we are to conduct ourselves. (I’m not talking about obeying the general rules here. I don’t care how my kids are wired, they are not going to lie or steal!) I’m talking about capitalizing on their strengths!

EXAMPLE:  My son Zeke is very aggressive compared to my other two kids. Some people are bothered by a super aggressive kid. I happen to love it! I would rather have to bridle a mustang than to have to kick a mule in the rear any day! I understand that he’s going to go overboard from time to time in certain areas, not to mention being on the brink of danger here and there…and in some cases manufacturing the danger himself! He is built that way. To be clear, I will never allow his natural propensity to justify incorrect behavior, but rather, I am going to put it to work for the right causes. We NEED aggressive men in this world being aggressive toward the correct things!   

There is no question that occasionally Zeke is going to break some lamps, be a challenge in Sunday school class, and dole out some serious pain in a living room football game. But one of these days, I can guarantee you, he’s going to be a formidable adversary for those forces that challenge the Judeo-Christian foundations of our country.

No one knows your child better than you; therefore, no one can set them up for success like you!

Require obedience to non-negotiable values. Shape them, mold them, nurture them, train them…but do not fundamentally change them. They are wired special!


About Kris Hogan

With a 16-year educational tenure under his belt, Kris Hogan has spent the last nine years working at Grapevine Faith High School in Grapevine, Texas. In addition to sitting on its administrative team, Hogan also pulls double duty as Faith’s head football coach. Hogan also was the subject of Remember Why You Play, a 2008 book by sports columnist and author David Thomas that chronicled the lives, struggles and successes of Coach Hogan and his team. READ MORE→