7 Steps to Talking About Sexual Purity

sexual purity

Doug Hutchins is the Founder of www.puritytraining.com. We asked Doug to write for MPL because his emphasis is on practical steps kids and parents alike can take to promote purity. In addition to spending countless hours with teens, Doug also consults with parents on the ins and outs of the latest technology trends involving our kids. The mission at www.puritytraining.com is to train men and women to protect their sacred purity. Interested in finding out more strategies to protect your child’s sexual purity? Doug can be reached at doug@puritytraining.com.


Around three weeks ago, a student initiated a conversation with me about living sexually pure. I believe his comments represent the way many young people feel. The student’s opening statement is especially insightful for parents. He started the conversation by saying, “I cannot talk about this subject [sexual purity] with my friends because they all struggle with it. My parents and I do not talk about it. You are the only one that I feel comfortable talking to about this.”

How long did it take for the student to feel comfortable enough to start a conversation with me about sexual purity? I have known the student for nine months. It, literally, took nine months for him to feel comfortable enough to approach me on the subject. It takes time for a meaningful conversation about purity to occur.

During the nine months prior to our conversation about sexual purity, what was I doing to help him reach that point? I was transparent, intentional, and consistent. This is not easy to do, but it’s worth it.

Transparent: Everyone experiences sexual temptation; however, only few people share their experiences. I openly talk about my experiences with sexual temptation and ways that I protect my sexual purity.

Intentional: Students hear me say all the time that our sexual purity is valuable and must be guarded. I regularly say things like, “Prize, cherish, and fight for what we believe in.”

Consistent: I bring up the subject of sexual purity weekly. The more I talk about it, the more students feel comfortable opening up about it. The guys who I meet with regularly know that our conversations about purity are ongoing. Satan will not stop attacking our sexual purity; therefore, I will not stop talking about it.

Bringing up the subject of sexual purity is tricky and awkward. For this reason, I want to share a few of the phrases that I use to initiate the conversation about sexual purity and phrases that I use to keep the conversation ongoing. These phrases work for me, and I believe they will work for you.

Initiating the Conversation:

1. I know we don’t usually talk about this, but it’s important to me and I want to encourage you …

2. This may be a little awkward, but nonetheless I want to ask you about ….

3. Nothing that we possess is more valuable than our sexual purity, which is why your mother and I are going to continue to talk about it.

I use phrase #1 and #2 regularly. This removes some of the awkwardness that typically go along with conversations about sex. I like phrase #3 because it sets an expectation, which is that we will continue to have conversations about sexual purity (get used to it).

Continuing the Conversation:

4. I am praying that you will value and prize your sexual purity.

5. Stand up for what you believe in.

6. It’s not easy to live sexually pure, but it’s worth it.

7. Our sexuality is a gift from God; protect it.

Phrase #4 is great to use when you drop your kids off at school. It’s quick, simple, and shows that you care about it.

We owe it our children to talk about sexual purity because it is that important. I suggest being intentional and consistent and using some of the phrases mentioned above to continue the conversation.

In closing, a previous blog post titled “Let’s Talk About Sex” said it best: “I believe the conversation should be ongoing and benefit from each parent’s prayer, discernment, and research. However, the clock is ticking faster than it did for you and me, and there may not be an area where intentionality is more important.”